The Modern Gentleman: Chivalry Meets the Real Man

Stereotypes abound when it comes to discussion of the sexes. Men are sometimes seen as quiet creatures who are "out-of-touch" with their emotions - other times, they are considered "needy" and "selfish" and "immature." Women get labeled "overemotional" or "melodramatic" - except, of course, when they are "nagging" or "on a power trip." And yet we know that none of these stereotypes are ever entirely true. People are people - interesting, complicated, and ever changing. In this environment of modern mass media, the stereotypes are sometimes exaggerated to the point of absurdity, and yet one common theme appears to emerge. The old ways - the "traditional" mores of courtesy and chivalry - are shown as being replaced by the new reality of fast cars, hot women, and success at all costs. And I'm not saying that these changes are represented as good - movies such as Forever Young romanticize these "lost values" of putting women first and being strong (yet still moral) in the face of adversity.

Yet neither is this message entirely true. In my observations, courtesy and morals still remain very much a strong part of modern life. And although this is true for both men and women, I'll focus here on the case of men. It happens to be something that affects me rather directly (seeing as I'm a guy), and it also strikes me as a particularly difficult issue for men.  In addition, much of this article will apply most to men living in the advanced industrial world - the kind of men who may commute to work, or those who are affluent enough to read this article on the internet.  Although this represents only a tiny population of the entire planet, it is this population which currently faces the greatest shift in social expectations - the kind of shift that I expect to continue as our world becomes still further connected economically and electronically.

Why Modern Roles Are Changing

Technology: The Great Equalizer

The rapid pace of societal change complicates our current ideas of manhood. Many are under the mistaken impression that such change is a modern phenomenon - it isn't. The roles of men and women have always been evolving.  From humanity's early days of hunting and gathering to the development of agriculture and the rise of cities and the internet, our social networks have radically changed.  Once upon a time, we were divided into small groups, and survival of even the smallest family unit was always uncertain.  Back then, placing the lives of women and children ahead of the lives of men wasn't simply a matter of respect - it was a crucial matter of survival for a species born with neither claws nor a thick hide.  Today, on the other hand, our survival is relatively certain.  Car accidents, heart disease, and cancer are all tragic results of the modern lifestyle, but life expectancy in the industrialized world is still up into the seventies - people today regularly reach their 80's and 90's or older.  We no longer fear polio or cholera or the Black Death that wiped out so much of the world's population during the Middle Ages.

Wit these changes, the relative roles of men and women have become more similar.  It is no longer the case that woman cannot do "man's work."  Before modern machinery, the testosterone-induced bulk of a male human meant that men were better suited for construction and fighting.  Now, however, anyone can wield a chain saw.  The accuracy and relatively lightweight killing power of modern weapons conveys the advantage to those with the technological know-how and the will to win.  Once upon a time, it was unheard-of for a woman to serve in the armed forces - today, women have proven that testicles and testosterone are not the true determinants of victory on the modern battlefield.